1. When you feel depressed, keep longing for God (Psa. 42:1). He hasn’t left you (Heb. 13:5-6). He will give you peace (Phil. 4:6-7).

2. When you feel depressed, pour out your heart to God (Psa. 42:4a). Give Him your burden. Tell Him everything. He already knows it, anyway.

3. When you feel depressed, remember the moments your heart delighted in God’s praise (Psa. 42:4b). Recall the better days, not to impose guilt on the burden of the present but to renew hope that these days will pass.

4. When you feel depressed, commit to “showing up” for God (Psa. 42:5). The sons of Korah said twice in this psalm: “I will still praise Him.” Keep going to worship. Keep reading your Bible. Keep praying to God. Keep finding ways to be serve others.

5. When you feel depressed, don’t let yourself forget God’s glory (Psa. 42:6). Observe God’s greatness all around. Focus on some of the “landmarks” in your life that remind you of the goodness of God.

6. When you feel depressed, trust God’s provision and look for His answers to prayer (Psa. 42:8). Fanny J. Crosby wrote the words we’ve been singing for years — words taken from this very psalm:

I know I shall see in His beauty
the King in whose law I delight,
who lovingly guardeth my footsteps
and giveth me songs in the night.

7. When you feel depressed, remember that God has not changed and He will not fail you (Psa. 42:9). The psalm describes a situation in which someone has lost his or her appetite, has been crying night and day (42:2), they feel dejected and in turmoil (42:5), and “deeply depressed” (42:6, CSB), and yet they call God “my rock” in verse nine. Your circumstances may have changed, you may feel low, but God is the same. He will not fail you!

8. When you feel depressed, praise God through your sorrow (Psa. 42:11). Though his eyes are sore from crying and weary from lack of sleep, though the pressures of life bear down like weights on his chest, the psalmist says he will still praise God. And you need to know that it’s OK for you to praise God through tears, grief, weariness, or depression.

It may be helpful to notice what’s not in this psalm. There is no explanation in the psalm as to why this is happening. There is no duration in the psalm as to how long the pain will remain. There is no resolution in the psalm. Instead, there is exaltation of God and expectation that it’s all in God’s hands.

Would you call the kid on the stool a leader? We may could make an argument that they were or that they had the potential to be, but I think they were ultimately merely in charge. See, there’s a difference between being “in charge” and being a true leader.

I don’t mean to imply that being in charge is not a good thing or that it isn’t part of true leadership. After all, the buck has to stop with someone. But leadership isn’t merely about enforcing rules, it’s about setting the course. Being “in charge” is about managing; being a leader is about guiding.

For some people, it seems leadership – especially church leadership – is all about rule enforcement. It’s like the kindergartener on the teacher’s stool.

If you’re an elder, deacon, or minister, consider your role in the Lord’s church. Do you view yourself more as the rule enforcer, the eagle eye sitting atop the teacher’s stool to report back when your term has ended, or as the steward, someone who has been entrusted to care for something that belongs to another?

The mental distinction is important. The rule enforcer may convince himself that he’s doing what he’s doing to take care of the people under his charge, but he has stopped short. Behavioral acquiescence is only half of the goal, and we could place the cart before the horse if we focus on behaviors before transformation of the heart.

The transformation-minded leader recognizes that leadership is not always cookie-cutter.

To be sure, we have a pattern which must be followed, but leadership is not one-size-fits-all. Some people are ready to be led and others are resistant. The way you guide one will be different from the way you guide another. You’re following the same path, but you’re beginning at different places.

The person who views himself as “in charge,” the rule enforcer, doesn’t always see the nuances. In his mind, the person needs to be rebuked for not following the clearly delineated rules. He doesn’t always realize that they don’t _know_ the rules! He doesn’t consider that they may not respond to the same motivation that others (or even that he) may respond to.

The person “in charge” sees himself as a figure head. He’s at the top and is looking down with a criticizing eye. The leader views himself as a fellow laborer. He’s part of the team. Yes, the buck stops with him, but he doesn’t view himself above anyone else in the sense that he’s better than they are. He’s leading them somewhere.

He’s leading them to Jesus.

See the differences?

Maybe I think they ought to know better – and maybe they do – but that doesn’t help them connect the dots from where they are to where they need to be. If my biblical counsel doesn’t begin with where they are, they won’t know how to get where God calls them to be.

A man once looked at me from across his living room – tears filling his eyes – and said, “No one ever told me you have to be baptized to be saved!” I was surprised. He grew up attending the congregation where I preached. Surely he knew … right? But what I thought he knew didn’t matter; I needed to figure out where he was.

Of course, there comes a time when we must be held accountable for what we haven’t done when we should have known better.

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child.
— Hebrews 5:12–13 (ESV)

And yet even this is a tool in the hands of a skillful minister to remind us of what we know and to call us to faithfulness. In other words, even in this admonition, there is an awareness of where they are.

Consider Jesus

He went where they were. He went to the house of Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10). He sat at the Samaritan woman’s well, in her town, at her hour (John 4). He ate with tax collectors and sinners (Luke 5:27-32).

He loved them before He preached to them. “Jesus, looking at [the rich young ruler], loved him” (Mark 10:21). He lovingly guided Peter after his denial (John 21). He protected the dignity of the woman caught in adultery, even while addressing her sin (John 8:1-11).

He knew how to reach people. To broken sinners, He was gentle and inviting (Matthew 11:28-30). To religious hypocrites, He was direct and confrontational (Matthew 23). To confused disciples, He was patient and repetitive (Mark 8:17-21). To the proud, He was challenging and exposing (Luke 18:18-23).

He affirmed small beginnings. He honored faith even when it was imperfect. The unnamed dad (Mark 9:24), the woman who touched His garment (Mark 5:25-34), the thief on the cross (Luke 23:39-43) were all met with grace. Jesus meets people in process, not just at maturity.

He never left people where they were. Jesus always invited them forward.

• “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).

• “Follow Me.”

• “Take up your cross” (Mark 8:34).

Grace was never permission to stay unchanged; it was power to become new.

To meet people where they are, I need to speak in a way that they can receive, not only in a way that is doctrinally accurate. But remember: meeting people where they are is the starting point – the necessary beginning in order to reach the destination.

Some reflection questions:

• Am I more known for listening or for talking?

• When someone shares a struggle, is my first instinct to understand or to correct?

• Do people feel safe telling me hard, messy, or embarrassing things about their lives? Why or why not?

• Am I calling people to growth in ways that are challenging and compassionate?

• Who am I currently walking alongside in a long, slow process of growth?

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